The actual and metaphorical transformation from being a father to becoming a grandfather

For over a year I've had an ongoing conversation with a wise man in Denmark. It started with exchanging emails around the development of the "Begeistring Community - The European Network around Appreciative Inquiry and Strength Based Change" where he introduced some concepts about this Community of Practice as a Playground in addition to the metaphor of Landscape.

But Kaj Voetmann has also been a speaking partner on other topics, and today I want to explore the idea of transformation from being a father to becoming a grandfather.

Every day we get older.  We pass through milestones. (examples are from a Swedish context)

• Day 0:  Delivery
• 6 Years.  School starts
• 15 years: Drive a moped
• 18 years: We can vote, get a drivers license and order alcohol at restaurants (in Sweden).  
• 20 years: Buy alcohol at the Systembolaget (in Sweden)
• 30 years: Average age for first child
• 31 years: Average age for marriage
• 50 years: Age when you are no longer attractive at labor market
• 63 years: Average retirement age
• 85 years: Expected termination

Ooops!  Where did the 50 year milestone come from?  It is not supported by statistics but the story of becoming useless at the labor market is there.  Just open a newspaper and you are very likely to read a story about employers not hiring people over 50. So what is there to do if you are closer to 60 than 50?

There is a paradox here.  Let me see if you agree with me in this observation.
It seems that when it comes to sustaining yourself we become of age later and later in life.
The age when we form family and get children now is around 30 years. When it is about duties and obligations it seems that we enter adulthood later than ever.

But when it comes to benefits and rights it seems that we are becoming adult earlier than ever.  A youngster is the owner of a mobile phone and computer even before entering adolescence.
It is a human right to have your own room before you even start school.  At the age of 12 most kids have travelled across the world with their parents.

But it is not until you are around 30 that you have entered society as a full citizen.
And then, when you are 50, you have become to old.  So for about 65 year of your life, you are either to young or to old. And between the age of 30 and 50 you have to parent your children, make a career, save money for the time when you are to old and to support all the people that are to old or to young to support themselves.  Tough shit.

Maybe this observation is a bit biased.  However, learning from my Maasai partner Rafael ole Moono and from my conversations with Kaj Voetmann I have been starting to think of life transitions.  I believe we should start to look at life more as a series of cycles.  For a Maasai male there are four cycles in life.  From boy to warrior.  From Warrior to Retired Warrior/Young elder And from Young Elder to Elder.

During this spring Kaj and I have had a conversation about the transition from being a father to becoming a grandfather.  I choose the image of "Creative Grandfather" as the goal for my transition.  

Here are some grandfather competencies I look forward to master

• Patience
• Inviting to many perspectives
• Finding use of the diversity of my background
• Designing spaces that invites to dialogue and new perspectives
• The abilitiy to be in the right position in helping others to fulfil their needs
• Observe patterns, and reflect on the observations
• Follow with a deviation, and make unnoticable adjustments
• Trusting my wisdom
• Asking for help without shame
• Allowing younger people to be in the spotlight, whispering in their ears

As a creative grandfather I have just begun my career, and I can let go of the stories that there is anything like "to old" or "not useful".  We need a new way to look at the different stages of life.  This is one aspect of what MetaSpace is about, and certainly an interesting topic for the Metafari!

Finally, here is an image that has been of great help to me during the last year

Self  Directed Learning